This column is maybe just gonna be a list of some stuff that I think is cool or important right now because it’s springtime and someone I’ve been crushing on basically FOREVER showed up in town out of the blue and wants to hang out with me most of the time she’s here and that is AWESOME obvs, but it means that I’m not really getting much work done and I haven’t even thought about my column and it’s due tomorrow but tomorrow I’m really busy so basically I have to write the whole thing in one sitting right now or else just quit and be booted out of punk forever. So yeah, anyway, here’s a list of some shit that I think is cool:
Listen, I am a Weed Amateur, which is weird because I used to be a Weed Pro. Or like, it isn’t that weird because I haven’t been a Weed Pro in over a decade and I think some people just get bad at weed when they get older. Anyway, I still like Doing Marijuana but smoking even one hit is too much for me at once so I like to make a really mellow weed tincture and dose myself super slowly like a baby.
It’s really easy to make! First buy an 8th of decent weed. I don’t know what all the different kinds of weed means, so usually I just call the delivery service and say “give me the middle one” and that’s what I buy. Then what you do is you grind the weed up real fine. You can use one of those weed grinders but that’s really tedious, and you can use a coffee grinder I bet, but mine has coffee all over it. I just use a small food processor and it works great.
After the weed is all ground up you put it in a mason jar and pour a pint of shitty high proof vodka over it, then close the jar, shake it around, and put it in a cabinet. Then every time you open that cabinet shake it up again. Eventually it starts turning greenish yellow and then you should dip a tincture dropper in and taste it and if it’s delicious and makes you feel awesome then it’s done and you strain it through a cheese cloth, and that’s that. And if it doesn’t taste good and make you feel great then just put it back in the cupboard for another week. It’s that easy!
Also, since the “sobriety” I practice is a variation on what my friend Max calls Poppers Edge, and my rule is that I’m only allowed to do drugs that come in tiny bottles, this gives me a third thing besides Rush Liquid Incense and 5 Hour Energy and everyone knows its important to have a third thing.
THE BEST SHOW
Do you listen to the Best Show yet? Why not? The Best Show is this radio thing that used to happen on WFMU but now Tom Scharpling the host has built his own radio station in a secret location in New Jersey and broadcasts over the internet at thebestshow.net every Tuesday night from 9-12. Heavily DIY. This dude is a true underdog and should be championed by all punx worldwide because he’s basically the awesomest person and his radio show is so cool. It’s a free form call in show, and has the potential to get super weird in ways that I love.
I don’t think Tom would characterize himself as a punk but he is definitely Punk Adjacent and even if he wasn’t, he’s super funny, has great politics, and is really charming. The show’s been on for 14 years or something at this point, so there’s a huge amount of back catalog and if you’re daunted and looking for a place to start I suggest listening to “The Order of Everything” from the Best Show Gems podcast.
MY FRIEND MEREDITH GRAVES
Recently there was a situation apropos of the hypothetical I wrote about in last month’s column, and Meredith was put in a position of having to do an easy, passive thing that would tacitly benefit an abusive man, or make a more difficult choice that would require work on their part and maybe even some conflict, but was requested by a survivor of violence at the hands of that abusive man. They unflinchingly and unhesitatingly chose the latter and even though that’s how everyone should act, it’s actually so rare these days that someone puts their money where their mouth is and so I just wanna mention because I think their awesomeness deserves to be recognized and I want them to know they’re appreciated.
MIERLE LADERMAN UKELES
Mierle Laderman Ukeles is this kind of obscure feminist performance artist from the 70s that I only know about because Out of Town Dream Babe is here researching her work, so we’ve been talking about her non-stop the past few days. She’s the Artist In Residence at the New York City Dept. of Sanitation, a position she invented for herself 40 years ago, and her work is all grounded in this seriously awesome political agenda and she’s also really funny, which I think is super important in art. I suggest reading about her on your own, (especially because a bunch of the scholarship about her that exists today is in garbage man trade publications and it’s cool to have a reason to read those), but something I really like is that a ton of her art is basically addressing the question posed by smug dickheads “yeah, well after your revolution who’s gonna take out the trash?” Like she was basically championing shitworkers worldwide for a majority of her career and all punks everywhere should be able to respect that.
SARAH MCCARRY’S METAMORPHOSES TRILOGY
Okay so Sarah McCarry is my friend so let’s get that out of the way, it’s not like I’m not biased here. But the reason she’s my friend is because I read the first novel in her Metamorphoses Trilogy and it was so beautiful and perfect that I wrote her a letter and was like “Hey I really like your book,” and she was like, “woah, really? I like your zines,” and then we went and got Ethiopian food and walked around for a few hours and were like, “okay cool we’re friends now.”
So anyway, these books are all retellings/reinterpretations of Greek myths, which I always think is great. And they’re set among three generations of women in a fictionalized version of Kurt Cobain’s family, which I also think rules, because like, it’s long been time that we acknowledge that Kurt Cobain was a true queerdo and his presence in popular culture was instrumental for a lot of us turning out cool. And what’s doubly rad is that for Sarah, he’s just the background and the real interesting shit is about the emotional growth and interiority of women and girls. And there’s like, just enough non-judgmental drug use and gay sex to make me feel like no school would ever let a kid read these books on purpose but some teenagers might find them and like, maybe they’ll be okay after all or whatever. I think creating beautiful art to help weird fucked up teens survive is a super important task.
OKAY I THINK THAT’S IT
I mean, it’s not it for things I think are cool. I definitely think a bunch of other stuff is cool, (wearing jumpsuits, painting my nails metallic colors, the Mukilteo Fairies Special Rites 7”) but that’s it for my attention span for this column and plus I have to go to work anyway.
One correction from a few columns back: I said the band ALTARATLA had broken up, but that’s not true. They just live across the country from each other. Since when has geography impeded punk? I still have no idea how you can get their awesome tape though.
As usual you should write to email@example.com or Colin Atrophy / 442-D Lorimer St #230 / Brooklyn, NY 11206 if you wanna tell me about something you think is cool or even something you think sucks but you think I’d think is cool. Or even something you think I’d think sucks if it sucks in a way that’s actually kind of gratifying.
Fuck Billy Joel. Fuck your negative attitude. We. Are. The Punks.